Today was the Day of Getting a New TV, since our old one got fried by lightning a couple weeks ago. (Our phone and internet were also taken out, but were easier to fix since we didn’t have to buy any new equipment — just survive two days with no Internet…did you guys know Burger King has free wi-fi?).
So, upshot is, we’ve got a new TV and a brand new set of screwdrivers since the TV’s stand required a Phillips screwdriver and we only had a couple flat screwdrivers and I can now watch crappy movies like Ice Soldiers!
Ok, no, really, I’m happy to have a TV again and Ice Soldiers….ok, I asked for it. I read the plot summary and knew it was going to be dumb going in and I still went ahead and watched it and…
Here’s the plot summary from Wikipedia:
A team of Canadian scientists discover genetically engineered Soviet super-soldiers buried beneath the Arctic ice. When the soldiers are revived, they go on killing spree.
What this leaves out? The soldiers were originally sent to attack New York City back in 1962 during the Cuban Missile Crisis by some Soviet special forces extremists who…apparently thought that three guys attacking New York City could help push the US into World War III. Their thinking seems to have been based on the idea of “These guys took out an isolated Siberian village by themselves so a city of 7.5 million-plus should be no problem, right?!”
The guys are revived, as the plot summary says, and go on a rampage (including an off-screen, heavily implied rape of the lone female scientist) and then wander off apparently trying to walk to NYC. The movie jumps ahead 50 years and a group made up of a couple scientists, an evil oil company exec (not sure if the company is evil or the exec…) and a private military contractor who is kinda/sorta evilish are once again looking for the genetically engineered super soldiers who got themselves frozen again!
And of course, they find them. And the super soldiers revive and havoc ensues again. Including the evil exec being raped (lone female in the group, so, yeah…) — again, off screen but still pretty icky that the only two female characters to show up get raped for what seems no other reason than to show off just how EVUL!!! the bad guys are. I mean, come on, they’re gigantic, heavily muscled, blond Russians with buzz cuts — we KNOW they’re evil just looking at them! We’ve all seen the ads for Rocky IV!
(Though, I will say? They show the nekkid bum of one of the super soldiers and despite the fact that all three of them look like buff versions of TV’s Frank from Mystery Science Theatre 3000, I gotta say…woooooo!).
The movie, already silly and stupid, gets sillier and stupider from this point but if you’re looking for a good doofy popcorn movie that you can yell at, try
Red Dawn (2012) avoid Red Dawn (2012) at all costs and stick with Ice Soldiers.
As you can probably guess, I didn’t get to any writing this week. Or typing. But I am still working on the idea that I came up with the other day, so, progress is occurring!